You’ll Never Be Able to Unsee the Trumpy Trout

Want to see the absolute worst thing on the internet today? There’s a video that’s doing the rounds on social media showing off a new Trump-themed product. And even if we assure you it’s real, you’re probably not going to believe it.

It’s called the Trumpy Trout and it’s exactly what it sounds like. They took those novelty singing fish that were so popular 25 years ago and made it look like Trump. Tacky hair and all.

The video, which is available on Vimeo, looks like the kind of joke you’d see in a dystopian near-future sci-fi movie. One of those films where things have gotten so incredibly dumb that background actors are clapping like seals to communicate just how badly things have devolved. And in some ways that’s just our current reality.

A third of the U.S. are true believers in Trump’s incredibly dark vision of the world. But products like the Trumpy Trout are the spoonful of sugar that makes the fascist medicine go down. Trump’s schtick as a carnival barker and insult comic help mask the utter depravity of his agenda. From rounding up millions of people and ripping families apart in a sadistic exercise of mass deportation to giving the state total control over the bodies of all women, the Trump plan for this country would be repugnant to just about everyone if it didn’t involve some entertainment to mask the evil. When JD Vance promotes the same exact policies, his audience delivers crickets because he doesn’t make it funny.

The right-wing media universe is filled with so many odd products being shilled to credulous idiots. It can be easy for decent people to forget, but some Americans genuinely think Trump is a good person with good policies. Until you see the rallies and endless loop playing on far-right TV shows, that is. They somehow ignore or embrace the most glaring examples of criminality, while sopping up cheap garbage with Trump’s name on it.

The Trumpy Trout is $60 with an extra $10 for shipping if you want to hand over your hard-earned money for a piece of neo-fascist kitsch. We wouldn’t recommend it, but it’s your money, do what you want with it. Trump’s almost certainly not going to win, given the momentum of Kamala Harris. The vice president has a 3.2-point margin over Trump nationally in FiveThirtyEight’s most recent polling average. And her surge in battleground states is a great sign. Nobody knows for certain who’s going to win in November, but Harris has a really good shot at finally burying Trumpism once and for all. And all that will be left is a bunch of far-right whiners and their idiotic talking fish.

Oh, and batteries aren’t included with the Trumpy Trout. Because of course, they’re not. You’re spending $70 for the dumbest product known to man, why on Earth would the manufacturer hand over some batteries when he knows you’re the biggest mark around?